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Thread: Jeremy Clarkson on Piers Morgan - The Sunday Times 02/03/14

  1. #1

    Jeremy Clarkson on Piers Morgan - The Sunday Times 02/03/14

    Clarkson can be an arse, but Morgan is a complete slime-bag.

    Here is today's JC column - enjoy



    I was going to write about Angela Merkel this morning. I really was, I promise. But then I thought: “Nah. Come on, Jeremy. Piers Morgan’s lost yet another job. He really is down this time. So why not fire up the laptop and kick him a bit?”
    As you may know, the ghastly little weasel and I have history.
    He ran some unpleasant stories about me on the front page of the Mirror several years ago, and whenever we met afterwards he thought it was all a huge laugh. A joke. No harm done.
    My wife thought otherwise. And at the British Press awards gave him one of her hard stares from across the room. “Why’s your f****** wife looking at me like that?” he thundered. So I punched him. And then I punched him again.
    And then I thought: “You know what? I don’t think this would ever get boring.” So I punched him again. And, annoyingly, broke my finger.
    In another encounter, on the very last flight of Concorde into London, he was seated in the row behind me, droning on about his brilliance, so as we began our descent into London, and an inevitable encounter with the waiting bank of television cameras, I turned round and emptied a glass of water into his crotch.
    “Look,” I said to journalists as we walked down the aircraft steps, “the idiot’s wet himself.”
    We’ve tried over the years to shake hands and make amends but he always ends up doing something moronic and the feud starts all over again. Only recently he wrote in his truly amazing Mail on Sunday column about how he’d been chatting at a party to Samuel L Jackson and various other big-name Hollywood stars when I’d walked over.
    Apparently I stood on the fringes of their matey chat until the humiliation of being a small fish in a big pond was too much to bear and I sloped off. That simply didn’t happen.
    It makes you wonder about all the other events that Morgan writes on. All those chance meetings with “Bobby” De Niro in swish Los Angeles restaurants. All those clever put-downs to his detractors. All that Hello! magazine back-patting bonhomie.
    How much of it happened only in his imagination? It’s more likely he spends his evenings in a hotel suite, on his own, with all the TVs tuned in to his CNN show in a one-man quest to shore up the ratings.
    God, they were low. This was a show, remember, that was being aired round the world. Billions had the ability to watch it but few did. In fact Morgan attracted a global audience smaller than the BBC daytime show Cash in the Attic. He was even beaten by Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter, an ITV2 programme that followed the downward spiral of the dimwitted cocaine enthusiast.
    I heard that he was going to be dropped about six months ago. And have been sitting here for all of that time, loving his stupid Twitter boasts about his huge fame and lavish lifestyle, knowing that he didn’t know what I knew.
    Things aren’t much better for big M, little organ, back home in Britain. Because here his show Piers Morgan’s Life Stories, in which he makes orange people cry, has obviously run its course.
    Gone are the days when he could get the prime minister to come on and sob; now it’s Tony Blackburn and Beverley Callard (nope, me neither).
    This, then, is a man who was fired from the Mirror for publishing obviously faked pictures of British Army bods abusing Iraqi prisoners. A man who was accused of insider dealing. A man who is about to lose his show on CNN and who might very well hesitate over returning to Britain because the police may want to talk to him, again, about phone hacking.
    He is a friendless, broken shell. So you might imagine that with his life in tatters, he’s sitting in his condo, crying his eyes out over pictures of himself.
    But no. Instead he’s busy telling everyone that he now has more Google pages than the Pope. Yup. He really does believe that there is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. And he thinks that so long as he can keep his name in the papers he will get another job. Yeah, right.
    Morgan probably thinks he’s cast himself as a sort of pantomime baddie, and in time he may indeed end up at the Swindon Wyvern doing just that, throwing sweets into the audience and then trying to duck and weave when they are thrown back — along with all the chairs.
    But actually he isn’t a pantomime baddie. He really is genuinely awful. It’s something we’ve all known since we first clapped eyes on him with his arm round some teenage pin-up in the showbiz pages of The Sun. “My ‘pal’ Simon Le Bon”, the caption would read. Really? So why doesn’t Simon have his arm round you?

    Later we saw him strutting his stuff on a Simon Cowell talent show and we won’t go into detail here about how he got that gig.
    And today he’s trying to argue his CNN show failed because the Americans didn’t take kindly to his misguided attempt to spark a debate on gun control. Nonsense. His show failed because the viewers hated him. Everyone hates him.
    And that’s a big problem when you are trying to play the fame game. You can upset some of the people some of the time and survive — thrive even. But if you upset all of the people all of the time, you will fail.
    And he has. And I couldn’t help but notice that as the news broke, it stopped raining and the sun came out.
    Andy

  2. #2
    Master
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    That is brilliant

  3. #3
    Master Carlton-Browne's Avatar
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    That was an enjoyable read.

  4. #4
    I like Clarkson a little bit more. Made me smile. Morgan could genuinely end up behind bars if the dice start to roll the wrong way for him.

  5. #5
    Craftsman
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    Very good, I wonder if PM will respond?

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    Master
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    I don't agree with kicking someone while he's down, even if he is the class pr!ck.

  7. #7
    Is till cant make my mind up who is the biggest tosser, At least Morgan has probably driven a car, Though Clarkson MAY once have written something worth reading,

  8. #8
    Master gray's Avatar
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    I enjoyed reading that.

    Not exactly a literary classic character assassination but in a rubber-necking, voyeuristic, give-him-one-for-me kind of way.

    Funny, I always thought old Morgan had a face it would be difficult to stop punching

  9. #9
    Respect for his self control and restraint, I wouldn´t have been able to stop punching him, horrible little turd that he is.

  10. #10
    Master mickylall's Avatar
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    'Big M, little organ' - brilliant

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    Master zelig's Avatar
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    Couldn't find anything in there I didn't agree with...
    Or already know. But enjoyable to read nonetheless.

    z

  12. #12
    Master
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    Clarkson and Morgan in "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here"! Now there's a thought........................................... ... but just leave them there ......................... together! Priceless.

    :)

    Mike

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    Journeyman
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    I can't stand Clarkson, I think he's someone who's never grown up and is a buffoon with an over-inflated sense of importance. But... a lot of people like him and he makes a lot more money that I do for something he enjoys. So he may not be that much of a buffoon. And I don't have to watch him if I choose not to. Morgan on the other hand ruins lives without a shred of remorse and adds no value to anything. I'm really confused as to why people keep hiring him. What did Clarkson mean about the X Factor gig?

  14. #14
    Obviously without knowing either of them personally, I think Clarkson is an intelligent, decent guy, who's just got stuck playing a character that many find annoying. When he does anything that isn't Top Gear, or "Crash. Bang....What a video", it's very good. The "Clarkson" persona is clearly very popular with it's target audience, but it's not for me.

    Morgan OTOH, seems to have believed the whole media hype, and has had many people waiting to see him fail.

  15. #15
    Master SimonK's Avatar
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    I read Piers Morgan's diary/biography - The Insider - a few years ago and found it most entertaining. His slant on the JC affair is quite diferent of course: Clarkson was vehemently denying he was having an affair and then he was spotted snogging his assistant or his producer or his mistress, I don't remember which - which is what The Mirror published.

  16. #16
    Master AM94's Avatar
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    Both obnoxious characters and some of the inside stories regarding Clarkson make him look a clear equal in terms of Morgans arrogance and self importance.

    There is a reason why UK viewing of Top Gear is dropping year on year and he, imho, is the largest reason; therefore, I can imagine a Morgan rebuttal when Clarkson gets sidelined.

  17. #17
    Grand Master markrlondon's Avatar
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    Fantastic.

  18. #18
    Master Qatar-wol's Avatar
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    I don't like Clarkson at all, but he's infinitely preferable to Morgan, so I enjoyed that, thanks!

  19. #19
    Master
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    Excellent! And don't think many people in the UK will ever forget what Piers did re our soldiers. At least Clarkson is a stance supporter of Britain's armed forces.

  20. #20
    Craftsman RJK35's Avatar
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    The problem is that turds keep floating to the top.

  21. #21
    Grand Master Neil.C's Avatar
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    Can't stand Clarkson but Morgan is infinitely more vile.

    I'd love to see them together in a celebrity boxing match.
    Cheers,
    Neil.

    My Speedmaster website:

    http://www.freewebs.com/neil271052

  22. #22
    Craftsman
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neil.C View Post
    Can't stand Clarkson but Morgan is infinitely more vile.

    I'd love to see them together in a celebrity boxing match.
    Now the viewing figures for that would be enormous.

  23. #23
    Grand Master
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    they should be on here....
    ktmog6uk
    jon thompson

    marchingontogether!

    Fast and bulbous.
    that's right, The Mascara Snake. Fast and bulbous.
    Also, a tinned teardrop.
    Bulbous also tapered.
    That's right.

  24. #24
    Craftsman bowie's Avatar
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    great read

  25. #25
    Master BillN's Avatar
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    I thought that JC was "past it" ......... not any more

    He has got loads of balls

    good on him

  26. #26
    A prick having a rant about a fellow prick.....where is the loyalty

  27. #27
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    Morgan represents most of what I dislike about people. I find him a revolting human being and he is first into my fantasy mass grave. Prison is too good for the oxygen thief and I simultaneously salute clarkson for kicking the odious reptile whilst he's down and express disappointment that it's a little lightweight. I'd like an encore with full fat language. Finish him, Jeremy.

  28. #28
    Grand Master Seamaster73's Avatar
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  29. #29
    Craftsman Andyp1973's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seamaster73 View Post
    Times: 1
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    Not for the first time.

  30. #30
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by PD1 View Post
    A prick having a rant about a fellow prick.....where is the loyalty
    Ha! No loyalty in prick town my friend...

  31. #31
    Journeyman gshort67's Avatar
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    Classic clarkson

  32. #32
    Quote Originally Posted by jukeboxs View Post
    I don't agree with kicking someone while he's down.
    Me neither, but I'm prepared to make an exception in this case.

  33. #33
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    I like Clarkson but I can well understand why many people don`t like him. As for Morgan, can`t stand him; hopefully he'll get his come-uppance.

    Only mistake Clarkson made when punching Piers was not hitting him harder.

    Paul

  34. #34
    Journeyman mattlad's Avatar
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    Just bought it up on Top Gear!

  35. #35
    Craftsman bomberman's Avatar
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    Really don't like them both but PM deserves all he gets. I simply cannot stand the lowlife and hope that he doesn't return to the UK as no doubt he would be back in the media in some form. The UK is better for not having this lowlife on our shores.

    Having said that JC is yet another moran that appears in the UK media with the odd entertaining comment of which I can just barely tolerate.

    Thanks for posting OP

    B

  36. #36
    I can see why people hate both of them but I think Clarkson is brilliant. Morgan on the other hand, I cannot stand.

    The trouble is Piers has been sacked from his US chat show for being right about gun control. The fact that US politicians and the US media aren't willing to say what he says for fear of losing votes/readers/viewers says a lot about the good ol' USA.

    Yes, Piers is a grade A Richard Head but for once in his life, he spoke the truth and has been fired for it.

    I do hope we never see his face again though.

  37. #37
    Grand Master Seamaster73's Avatar
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    Most people think the Americans are barking mad when it comes to guns, but it's good manners to keep your own counsel on such subjects when you're a guest in their country.

  38. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zimmer View Post
    Me neither, but I'm prepared to make an exception in this case.
    My thoughts exactly.

  39. #39
    Grand Master Glamdring's Avatar
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    Clarkson would be one of my 'four dinner guests'.

    I've give Morgan to that stupid woman with the kitten.

  40. #40
    Quote Originally Posted by Seamaster73 View Post
    Most people think the Americans are barking mad when it comes to guns, but it's good manners to keep your own counsel on such subjects when you're a guest in their country.
    To be fair, there's probably little point in campaigning for US gun safety in the UK...

  41. #41
    Quote Originally Posted by SimonK View Post
    I read Piers Morgan's diary/biography - The Insider - a few years ago and found it most entertaining. His slant on the JC affair is quite diferent of course: Clarkson was vehemently denying he was having an affair and then he was spotted snogging his assistant or his producer or his mistress, I don't remember which - which is what The Mirror published.
    Of course Clarkson denied having an affair - that's what (most) people who have affairs do. However, was it really within Morgan's right to publish such 'revelations' to the public?

  42. #42
    Craftsman
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    Clarkson "the persona" is someone I don't care much for. But the man is a generous person who does a lot for local charities and youth football teams etc where he lives in West Oxfordshire (where I used to live) and is very humble about it too. He just plays a role on tv.

    Morgan however is an odious man. I can not for the life on me understand how he got the CNN gig in the first place. Does he have dirt on prominent people I wonder that he uses privately for his own advantage?

    I too am not one keen on kicking people when they're down, however Morgan has amassed enough personal wealth from the CNN gig to keep him in comfort for the rest of his days. He hasn't really lost anything, he's just another Brit who wasn't taken to the hearts of the hard to crack American audience. By choosing to take on such an emotive subject as gun ownership and court controversy was always going to end in career suicide in the US.

    The Clarkson/Morgan thing is a personal one, played out in public. So far Clarkson is winning, but Morgan will try and find away to redress the balance. I for one will always side on team Clarkson in this spat.

  43. #43
    Some think Piers Morgan is great, and always watch his life stories show, - his guest is of secondary importance to him.
    Well, I can't stand him. He's so far up his own arse.

    Clarkson is OK, he plays the buffoon on Top Gear very well. The only thing about him I really can't stand is his books. I made the mistake of buying one once. Unreadable nonsense, written for the mentality of a 12 year old. Obviously not written for intelligent adults, which is a shame because a lot of his writing is about cars.
    Last edited by Jim W; 3rd March 2014 at 14:12.

  44. #44
    I'm with JC on this one, Piers Morgan is one of the most repugnant people around, makes his living off the misery of others or used to anyway

  45. #45
    Apprentice
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    Definitely a good use of my time reading that

    Jezza can be a **** sometimes, but Piers is just terrible!

  46. #46
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by DandyHighwayMan View Post
    ....I can not for the life on me understand how he got the CNN gig in the first place....
    I always wondered this. Larry King, who had been in the seat for 25+ years and is something of an institution over there, replaced by sacked Brit tabloid editor and talent contest judge. Didn't add up.

    Can't stand PM, like most. The worst kind of human.

  47. #47
    Ha! Enjoyable read. I like Clarkson. He is far from perfect himself, and I'm sure his stories are skewed in his own favour. But Morgan deserved this.

  48. #48
    Journeyman
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    I like Clarkson, feels like he's been waiting for this opportunity a while!

  49. #49
    Hmm, whilst I think Morgan is a horrible person, I don't think Clarkson comes across very well - he could criticise Morgan for a lot worse than taking a photo of an affair.

    Clarkson's childish writing lessens that Morgan could, and should, be tried in a court of law.

  50. #50
    I only just found and read this thread. I concluded that this image was appropriate, though can't really decide which image applies where.








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