Reply With QuoteProbably best to leave advice until tomorrow then. My condolences. If a mole in Manchester is of any use, just ask.
This might be weird, but I need some guidance.
To cut a very very long story short, my sister is evil, and a gold-digger. After not contacting my Dad for decades, she has recently been circling like a vulture.
(my parent divorced 20 odd years ago).
I found out a few hours ago that my Dad died this morning, my sister knew he was dying, and didn't tell me or my Mom. I only found out coz I called my dad today and my sisters husband answered the phone. I got angry, asking why they didn't tell me, and he hung up..
Apart from being devastated, I need to find out the process of what happens next, as they are not 'playing ball'. I know this all sounds odd, it's a long story, I appreciate some of you might want to wish me well, but I really need advice..
Ie. What happens to my dad, what happens to his body, can i see him, who can I call, etc etc. Obviously I'm going to have to physically go over there tomorrow, (150 miles away), but I need some guidance of what to do next. My dad did have a partner, but she has probably been manipulated by my sister.
I'm still upset and fuming, so I'm not gonna call tonight.. I wanted to get some advice first.
Probably best to leave advice until tomorrow then. My condolences. If a mole in Manchester is of any use, just ask.
Sorry to hear this.
I guess primary thing is getting your dad to rest at a funeral home, how you can get that done without aggro though is the concern. Then try establish if your dad had a will, if so, it will state who shall be his executor i.e. sort out his affairs on death.
If no will it could get messy, not sure what to advise if that happens.
Sorry about your dad. I won't try to give any advice on dealing with it, as it seems everyone copes differently.
Read this: http://m.direct.gov.uk/syndicationContr ... 1204112000
Your dad will probably go to a funeral directors until his funeral, and you can see him there. I guess the funeral director may already have been arranged by your sister?
Did he leave a will? If so there will. E an executor (maybe you?) who is charged with sorting his affairs out.
Really sorry to hear this mate and good luck in getting it all sorted, and I am sure someone will be along soon who knows what you need to do.
My deepest condolences Stewart and I hope everything works out for the best. The only advice I can give is maybe contact a local solicitor who specialises in family law. Most solicitors offer a free first consultation and this will hopefully point you in the right direction.
Kind regards,
Warren
Took the words right out of my mouth. Very sorry to hear the news, Stewart, but see someone tomorrow, mate.Originally Posted by Wazza
Edit: This on the basis that you're being excluded from playing a part in any arrangements, etc that need to be made. Otherwise, and a suggested by others, the time to deal with probate-related issues is after your father has been laid to rest.
Cheers chaps, some helpful info there, especially that government website link.
I'm guessing that my Dads partner will be executor. I've got a good idea of who to contact tomorrow.
The worst thing is this.. My sister is a pathological liar, god knows what she told my old man why I didn't visit him in hospital. I've never known anyone as horrid as her, sad I know, but true. She didn't even tell my mom, I know my parents are divorced, but they were married for 25 yrs. When I asked my sisters husband why he didn't let my Mom know.. He said "it's got nothing to do with her".. I kid you not.
Very sorry to hear the news, just do what you can and try to stay reasoned. You have been unfairly left out of knowing what has been going on and it seems that more will continue. I know that when my father died certain documents were removed from the will by another family member but I decided to just concentrate on laying him to rest.
If you need to get things off your chest there are plenty here who will listen and provide advice where they can, don't feel that there is nobody you can talk to.
Good luck on getting something sorted - you should ensure everything is above board with regard to the Will, executors etc. you simply don't know what may have gone on it the last few days/weeks etc. Your father will no doubt be moved quite quickly and you should take steps to find out where and what process is going to take place.
It's just a matter of time...
Stewart, really sorry to hear about this - you need some time to think about your Dad without worrying about administration. Make sure you take some time for this as I know from personal experience that it can be a whirlwind of events.
There are some things that will help - as suggested above, a solicitor might be the first port of call but I'd probably bite my tongue and try and listen to the family first. At least, that way you can find out as much as you can.
On a personal note, I find that when I'm overawed by a situation such as the passing of someone close, I need time to compose myself. Once I've done that, I make a list of jobs I need to do and when they need to be done.
Having that list on me at all times is useful as it means that I can spend more time thinking about the person and less time worrying about what I may or may not have done from an administration perspective.
My condolences.
well you will certainly be next of kin with your sister, so equally entitled to information etc, but do see a solicitor- I speak from experience and it was literally the best money I have ever spent.
good luck :)
Goat
Stewart, I can offer no practical advice beyond that which has already been provided: keep your head, and if necessary speak to a solicitor (could you contact your father's partner?).
On a personal note, my deepest condolences. The Hell of families is that they know exactly how to hurt one terribly, and are frequently prepared to do so. :( I hope it gets resolved without too many additional tears.
I'm really sorry to hear this and hope it all works out ok
"A man of little significance"
My condolences Stewart. I agree with everyone before me - I would seek a solicitor's opinion and potentially assistance on the matter.
Sorry to hear this, my advice as others have said, is a good family law solicitor. Before I met her my better half came out badly in a very similar situation. If she'd have sought legal advice things would have been very different.
My condolences to you.
Jude
It might well be worth a call to the CAB too:
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
A horrible situation to find yourself in, keep strong for your Dad and don't sink to anyone elses level.
Sincere condolences to you and your family and I'm sorry to hear that your sister has not been communicating. You should find most of the advice required in these two WHICH guides:
The WHICH guide "What to do when someone dies" http://www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Someo ... pd_sim_b_2
The WHICH guide to Wills and Probate http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wills-Probate-H ... 325&sr=1-1
If your father left a will everything should be handled by the executor in accordance with the will. You are entitled to see the will; if someone prevents you seeing it you can apply for a copy once probate has been granted.
If your father has not left a will his estate is distributed in accordance with the rules of intestacy; there would be no executor and a family member would apply to be administrator and he/she would then apply for a grant of letters of administration. Under the intestacy rules, if there is no surviving spouse, everything is divided between the surviving children equally. TTBOMK , under intestacy rules the surviving partner would not be a beneficiary.
However, the intestacy rules in Scotland are different to the rules in England and Wales and N Ireland.
Best wishes
dunk
"Well they would say that ... wouldn't they!"
Really sorry to hear this, mate. Sounds an awful situation and a lot to contend with.
I'm confident with some of the brains and advice on here, you'll be set on the right path. Some quick thinking here may really help you later. But first, I really hope you are able to see your father and grieve appropriately. Sincere condolences. :(
Best wishes.
Don't worry about anything until the funeral is over and you've seen your dad off in good style. Nobody can take any cash or dispose of anything until it's been established that a will exists or not and probate has been granted. It's not a good time even when things are simple, just try not to get involved in family fights.
Might be a good idea to inform the bank.
Eddie
Whole chunks of my life come under the heading "it seemed like a good idea at the time".
Very sorry to hear about your situation , I hope everything is resolved peacefully .Touching to see the compassion expressed by members here .
my condolences :(
Yes, you can visit in the time before now and the funeral - details will have been left about where your father is being kept.
You should find out which solicitors are looking after your fathers will, and from there you can find out whom the executor(s) is(are).
A word of warning: there will be lots of paper work to come :(
I hope you can navigate this time without more stress than necessary.
Oh yea - make sure your beloved sis can't get her hands on anything valuable from the house - possession is 9/10ths of the law...
Thanks again, that's really useful. And thanks for the kind words.
Aw, sorry to hear this Stewart. You will be in our thoughts.
So sorry to hear about you father Stewart, a death in the family is always a testing time. I have no further advice to add to the excellent suggestions that have already been given, but I do think concentrating first on getting a fitting funeral arranged sounds a sensible way to go. As has been said there will be plenty time to sort out of the estate, these things do take time.
I'm sorry to hear this. My condolences to you and I hope that everything works out.
Sorry for your loss Stewart
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